My life lessons learned

Black men and White women

  In a general sense, black women has come to dislike or hate the relationships between black men and white women.  I must admit, I used to belong to this club of separatists.    

     I've talked to many men and women  on this subject.  The common agreement among men is the question, "Why do you care who I date?  She's not related to you."   The common question from women is, "Why has he abandoned his black race?"

      I was among those women who would snarl and spit at a black male and white female couple.  It represented to me and many other black women that his dating choice meant that white women were more desirable, attractive, and valuable  than with the black woman who looks more like his mother.   "Why is he denying his black race?"   For me as a teenager, I began to feel ugly because black males would flaunt their white women as treasures with public affection and praise while barely noticing that I and other black girls entered the room.  "Gee, why don't my black man desire or brag about me like that?"

       I believe the true insult to injury is  the overall physical beauty of the white women of choice.  It seems to be the most desired white woman is a plain jane.  She's usually short, fat, has unkempt long hair, no makeup, hasn't any intellectual comments to add to the conversation, is socially inept, has a minimum wage job (if one at all), and no financial assets.  But, black men seem to drool over these women.  Black women ask, "Why?"  "She has nothing.  I have  more to add to a relationship than she does and you want her instead?  I wouldn't be mad if she was pretty and sound as if she had a bit of intelligence."

       The black men that I've talked to have admitted to having the white woman sexual fantasy since childhood.  Many black men say they can't help who they fall in love with.  "Why should I limit my love life to one kind of woman?"   Black men have told me that they preferred a submissive and compliant white woman to an aggressive and controlling black woman.  Some black men have told me that only white women would date them because black women have too long of a laundry list of requirements for him to follow.  "Black women want status, position, power, and bling.  I can't afford that.  The white women only want affection.  White women don't put me to the marriage test when I walk up to her to say Hi."   I was told by an older black woman, that the problem with young black women is that they are too brand loyal and that includes the men they date.  Start dating out side your race or at least outside of your neighborhood, these dating problems would go away.

      I'm about to turn 39 years old in a couple weeks and I've happened upon some wisdom.  Why do I care about who he's dating?   

      I now realize this isn't a black and white issue.  It's a choice issue.  The point is, he didn't choose me.  I can't make him want me nor would I want to convince him to want me.  I don't want a man in my life that I had to convince to be my mate.  Later on, he'll resent it and so will I.  I want a man who wants me for me and what I can bring to a long successful relationship.   I don't want to be someone's last choice because all the other women turned him down and he was very desperate.  I don't want a man who is willing to "put up with me."  I want a man who saw me and became infatuated.  His interest in me drove him to pursue me and his desire for me grew asour relationship grew.   I want a man who doesn't settle in his relationship.  His self esteem is so high that the pain of rejection would last only minutes and not fold its self into an old duffel bag on his back wearing him down.

      Somewhere in this world, there is a man who would choose me.  I figure I'm waiting for him to come to this country, come out of his house, come out of jail, come out of his current relationship, or come to his senses.  Over my dating career, I can say black men have chosen me.  I'm still waiting for that guy who will choose me for life instead of choosing me for right now.

      It is too stressful to worry about who everyone is dating and marrying.  I now only stress over my own dating life.  I've heard many complaints from the black community about the black man and white woman relationship.         "But if black men and white women continue to have babies, the black race  will be wiped out. Our black ancestry will be gone."                                       If this is such a concern, you need to pick up the pace and have more black babies.  "I can't repopulate the black community by myself", some would say.  I have come to wonder, How many black families truly keep the black history alive in their own family tree?  How many generations have you orally taught your children about?  Do your kids know about grandma and granddad's parents?  Do you?  Is black history only talked about in your house every  February?

     Don't worry about what he might be doing with her.  Concentrate on your own household.  His choice in her doesn't reflect upon you at all.  IF HE'S NOT LIMITING HIMSELF, WHY ARE YOU?

LESSONS LEARNED:

         

• Beauty isn't only shown in his eyes.  Look in the mirror.  You'll see it too.
• Don't pass judgment, pass wisdom.
• I don't need your permission to be pretty
• Who he dates isn't tied to my happiness and life fulfillment

Who runs the household without me?

   I don't like the impression many people have about men being the only and true head of the household.  Many people live by the rule of man being above woman, women above children, earth on the bottom of us all, and god above us all.  I don't like this pyramid of thought.  This is a very human way of life that I disagree with.  In my opinion, this way of thinking get women raped with regularity, children abused and abandoned, and the planet earth destroyed.  

       "But the bible says that's how it works."  I disagree with this interpretation.  Men are the male head of household and women are the female head of household.  Life for me as a female doesn't fall apart because there's no male head of household in my house.  I go to work, bring home money, food, clothing and provide myself shelter without a man.  Am I less of a person because of it?  Am I to be considered incomplete?  What about single fathers who provide for his family without an adult female in the home?  Is he to be considered incompetent when it comes to cleaning, cooking and caring for his kids?  Are we to pity him?

      Men don't rule over women.  Men are not greater, smarter, or more important than women.  Women are not around to only supplement men.  Men are not around to guide,  control, and protect women.   When men and women come together as a single unit, it is the job of both the male and female to provide, protect, and educate that family unit.  The male took on certain duties of the household that are better suited for him to accomplish the goal of raising his family.  Thus the female has done the same thing.   Many women chose to stay home to cook, clean, and raise the kids without a babysitter.  Many men chose to work outside of the home for long hours to bring home the amount of money that affords the lifestyle of his family unit.  This practice now has become tradition.

      Many people seemed to have forgotten that tradition, just as the Bible was man made.  "No, the bible is the word of God."   The Bible was hand-written by many monks long ago.   It was reported to be written one century after the events occurred through oral history.   Whatever it  is that you believe to be true, realize this: what is  made by man can be changed by man.  Just because we've followed certain traditions over the generations doesn't make it right.  It makes it a habit.

     I believe we as a nation need to reevaluate our traditions.  When it comes to degrading men for appreciating cooking and cleaning, ridiculing a woman for being single with no kids and two jobs, and threatening gay  couples raising children next door to you, our centuries old traditions need an overhaul.  

    I admit that I don't follow many of the old traditions,  but I'd like to start new ones.   When I get married, I'd love for my new husband to take on my last name as his own.    I will take care of and  provide all financial stability for my household.   The best part of all, my man will do all the cooking.

How to treat a woman and how to treat a man?

How to treat a woman:

   Wine her.
   Dine her.
   Call her.
   Hold her.
   Surprise her.
   Compliment her.
   Smile at her.
   Listen to her.
   Laugh with her.
   Cry with her.
   Romance her.
   Encourage her.
   Believe in her.
   Pray with her.
   Pray for her.
   Cuddle with her.
   Shop with her.
   Give her jewelry.
   Buy her flowers.
   Hold her hand.
   Write love letters to her.
   Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

  

   How To Treat a Man:

     Show up naked.
     Bring chicken wings.
     Don't block the TV.

     
      
(borrowed from unknown source on the net)

How much for the pussy in the window?

"One uterus costs at least one million dollars.  Sperm is a dime a dozen."        If that's really true, then why are women giving it away for free?

        Many women complain about noncommittal men.  Women have resulted in name calling and men bashing because men haven't followed the female script.  Women tend to want a good time during the marriage and men tend to want a good time before the marriage.   I've heard many sista's scream, "That bastard ain't no good!"  I've been asked how do I put up with the "no good bastards" in my life?  My response is the same.  I don't date "no good bastards".  I date the good "brothas".   I've never dated a man that I'd consider a low life.  To me, that is too much negative energy to start a relationship with.  Women will date a man for frivolous reasons and expect him to give more than he's getting.  I've met and currently know  plenty of women who've dated men because they have pretty eyes, wavy hair, nice muscular body, expensive possessions, and many other  materialistic reasons.  But when he in turn treats her with a shallow attitude, she creates war.  "How dare that bastard go out to the club without me!  I'll get revenge by hanging around his best friend who has a crush on me."

      I don't like it when women complain that the guy won't call her back after she had sex with him.  She doesn't seem to realize he might not have called her back anyway if she didn't have sex with him.  Why give away your dignity and pride in hopes that he will stick around?   I was raised by my father with my 3 older brothers and they all say the same thing.  If a guy really wants a women, nothing will stop him from going after her.   He won't require sex from her but he will really desire sex from her.   There's the difference women can't comprehend. 

      "If we have sex, that means he wants to have a long lasting relationship with me, right?"  Women are mislead by the messages sent by men.   But in turn, women play the same bait and switch game.   We have become a microwave society.  We want everything right now.  We'll meet a nice person today and want to walk down the aisle tomorrow.   Women will have sex with a guy hours after meeting him, hoping he understands what that means.  Guess what ladies?  The fellas don't know what you mean.  He thinks you dig him, he digs you, let's have fun tonight.  He has no thought about tomorrow without further discussion.  She has already picked out her bridesmaids dresses as soon as the lights go out for the night.

      Ladies please stop giving away what you can't afford to lose.  We can't afford to assume what he wants and what he is willing to give.   If he doesn't want you longer than one night, don't trick him into a relationship with the promise of imaginative, unusual, and constant sex.   Don't settle for a playa if you don't want one.  "But, I'll be lonely without a man" is the female cry.   Trust me, if that's the only reason why you are in your current relationship, he'll regret being with you and try any way to get out of it.  You'll resent each other and begin to spite each other because that'll be the only satisfaction you get out of the relationship.

      I'm currently single and have been celibate since my last relationship.    I've been called a "cock blocker" many times before because I don't advocate having sex outside a committed relationship.  I pose the same question to many people.  Wouldn't you want to have fantastic, spontaneous, freaky, enjoyable sex with one person any day, every day or good sex once or twice a year with people you most likely aren't going to see again?   

      "But she won't have freaky sex with me like a stranger will" is usually his complaint.  But, that's not really true.  Women will do the craziest things for men.  If she is willing to do outrageous, insane things that a man thinks only will happen on a one night stand, what do you think she will do if she really knew what pleased you?   Some women do feel more comfortable experimenting with a stranger in preparation for her committed relationship because the fear of seeing that stranger again is lowered.   Other women do it to convince that man he should stick around for more.  Women need to feel free to express herself in her relationship.  The greater the security she feels, the better the chances her freak will come out.  If she feels you may stray, her security goes down the drain with her dignity.  If she feels bad about herself, you ain't getting none.

How's your relationship working out?                   

Am I worthy of love?

    I have talked to many women over the years and we've discussed the subject of depression.  The subject of depression is more prevalent in the news, talk shows and common group discussions.

    My depression usually forms from self hatred because of a recent failure of a task or goal.  But the women I've talked to, especially those women related to me, explains that their depression formed from a feeling of not being worthy of anything better than their current situation. 

    I pondered the question of "How do you convince someone that they are worthy of more?"  I couldn't come up with an answer other than remembering the comment made by a black Princeton professor.   This professor was in a round table discussion about the state of black youth.  The question put forth to this professor was, "How do we show black youth that they are worthy of more in life other than being a drug dealer, rapper or basketball player?"  His answer was, "The way we show the young is by example."

How would you convince people they are worth the love, respect, money, shelter, support and happiness they deserve?

Once an addict, always an addict?

    I don't believe it when someone tells me that they are destined to always be  an addict.   I believe people use addiction as a device of escapism.   To be addicted to something is to do something habitual.  Many people take their addictions into the negative, especially when it becomes abusive.  I have an habit of pushing my glasses up on my nose even when I don't have glasses on my face.  It becomes an addiction when I can't operate in a normal day without doing the addictive thing then my body and mind goes through changes.

       I think people become addicted to things that help them cope with daily life.  There is a feeling or rush that people create within themselves that makes a normal day worth living.  People can become addicted to anything.  Anything that helps them get through the day will be used as the addict's focus.  Examples are shopping, drinking, eating, exercising, stealing, and smoking are the common ones.  Uncommon examples from around the world are eating hair (your own or others), swallowing metal objects, cutting scars in the skin, eating dirt, and pushing small nails in the tips of your toes.   All of the addictive habits do the same thing.  It helps relieve stress, creates an euphoric feeling, creates a calming action, or reduce inhibitions.

      I asked my father, "why do you smoke?"  He said it calmed him down.  That's clearly not true because cigarettes are stimulants.  A stimulant revs you up.  He started smoking for one reason and kept going for another.  He began smoking when he was 15.  He clearly didn't start smoking because of its calming effect.  It makes you look cool and fit into a peer group when you're young.  Now that he's 70, the placebo effect has taken place.  Now that daily stress has been built over the years, his old habit has new meaning.  Why not take a long walk or a long bath, drink hot tea, or read a book to calm down?  Why create a falsehood?  People do what they know.  My father read to get informed.  He took baths to get clean and long walks were with destinations in mind.  Doing those things for a calming affect were unfamiliar to him.  What he knew to do was smoke.  He smoked when he was nervous, excited, relaxed, or full from a good meal.

     Fear has a tight hold on everyone's life in some type of situation.  It's a natural emotion to have and you need it for your survival.   Fear is a protective mechanism when used correctly.  But fear can destroy lives if used incorrectly.    "I'm scared to stop drinking because I don't know how to deal with my family."  "I'm scared to stop smoking because I'll get fat."   "I'm scared of not having sex with everybody because I don't want to be alone."

    The only way to stop one habit is to start another one.  To stop your abusive addiction, understand why you need your addiction.  What is its purpose?  Create a more constructive addiction, one more helpful than hurtful.

My favorite quote is from CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL.

"If you keep doing what you always did, you'll always get what you've always got."

Geeks Club

  How come we let our society only celebrate and honor the pretty people?   Every high school has a pep squad, cheerleaders, best dressed student, and jocks.   An honorable mention may go to the debating team.  But everywhere you go, there's always a group of individuals who feel like outcasts, loners, and geeks.   Why haven't anyone had the courage to start a geeks club?   Why?  Because no one wants to honor someone not in the norm.  No one wants to celebrate the unattractive.

        Why are we allowing the select few to put value on our own lifestyles?  Why?  Because we are too shy, too scared, and/or have too much fear of rejection to do it for ourselves.   At age 30, I've decided to not leave my lifestyle choices in the hands of the approved few.  I run my life. 

       I learned why I couldn't decide what I should college to go to, what career I should have, what clothes to wear, and what was the proper way to act to get people to like me.  The reason why was that I constantly looked for someone else's approval.  I realized that I never approved of myself.   Now, that's all changed.  I'm not afraid to say I like the quirky things about me.  I not afraid to say what I like and dislike in life.  I now celebrate the crazy part of me.  Of course, many people always and still tell me you shouldn't do that.  You shouldn't say that.  You shouldn't go there.  You shouldn't hang around that person.  You shouldn't work there.  You shouldn't eat that.   

         I now accept the fact that people are not going to like everything that I do or anything that I do.   Trust me, I'm related to a few of those people.  Now, that's not a big deal to me.  I now ask myself, "Do I like it?"   I will only change something about myself because I don't like it, not because my neighbor doesn't like it.    You have no idea how much stress has been lifted from my chest.   The only thing is, I wish I had realized it sooner.

Dr. Phil says, "The only thing worse than suffering for 20 years is suffering for 20 years and one day."      

LESSON LEARNED:

• People are going to find reasons to not like you, no matter what
• If I only improved myself for someone else's approval, that makes me a follower.  If I improve the way the world works, that makes me a leader.

Why do we label people?

I've heard that question being asked for many years by many people.  My niece asked me that question when she was in high school.  That was the only time I decided to answer that question for someone.   She asked me, "Why do people have to call me the light skinned girl or the white girl?  Why can't they just call me by name?"   I explained to her that labels are nothing more than descriptions.  It's an adjective.   It's up to you how you handle that description being made of you. 

I'll give you an example of why I've used labels on people currently and in the past.   

Did you know Mike's wife just had twins? 

What Mike? 

You know, big Mike. 

You mean Baltimore Mike?   

No, that's drop out Mike. 

You know who I mean.  Big 6 foot Mike. 

You mean basketball Mike? 

No, not crazy leg Mike.    You know, tall Mike.   

Oh you mean white Mike? 

No, black Mike. 

You mean dead eye Mike? 

No, broke Mike. 

Oh you mean big, black, tall, broke Mike from south east DC? 

Yeah, him.

If I don't label you with a description, how can I identify you?   What if someone walked up to you and began a conversation on a subject you had no interest in or knowledge about?   What if someone introduced you to someone else and all they could talk about was gay people?  Then your question is why is that the only thing you can talk about?  Then your friend breaks in and says, "Oh my gosh, you misunderstood me.  I said she was a thespian, not a lesbian."

You can create you own label for yourself or let others label you.   I'm a black woman.  I'm an American black woman.  I'm a college educated, middle class American black woman. 

Or you might not like the label others give you.  You might find the label someone else gives an insulting one.  So that means you flip the script and re-label yourself.

The other side on the coin is when people tag you with nasty hurtful labels.  That has the purpose of boasting the ego of the name caller.  You're just the available victim.

I had that attempted on me practically all my life, especially in school.    Starting from kindergarten through 12th grade (5 different schools), kids have teased me about my name, my height, my glasses and style of clothes.   I was the tallest kid in my classes.  I was taller than quite a few teachers too.   To be honest, I didn't care about the name itself.  I was embarrassed about the fact a group of kids felt they had something over me.  I was made to feel like an outsider.  When I walked by, everyone would laugh as if on an inside secret against me.  That's the part I hated.  That made me hate myself.  But I did learn a valuable lesson on the subject and I took my power back.   I stopped holding my head down when someone called me a bad name.  I'd smile and say hi back as if nothing's wrong.  It took the air out of many balloons when I gave no negative reaction.  I was polite back as if we were great friends.   I also realized, that I wasn't the only one in school with a crazy label.  In my high school, we had "Puss Head (his head was shaped like a pimple that was ready to pop),  Thang face (because she had so many thangs on her face),  Swamp (her green eyes looked like swamp water), Fats ( he was fat), Doo doo (he was teased and disliked his real name Adam), Foots (he had really big feet),  and many others I can't remember now.   

I learned to build my tolerance of my ignorant and stupid classmates.  I also learned how to dish it too.  I was then respected in 12th grade, after being teased all those years.  I stopped being the loner and then had people I could call my friends.

My mom found out in my senior year that I was called dirty names.  She was very upset.  She wanted to go up to the school and set a few people straight.  I calmed her down and told her Its a funny name that I laugh at.  It doesn't bother me.  My mom put her hands on her hips and tucked in her lips and declared no one on this planet is going to call my child a nasty name.    I told her if you get involved, you'll screw things up for me.  Before 12th grade, no one knew me.  I was ignored.  I was too shy to talk to people.  I had no idea how to start a conversation.  I was socially inept.   My new stupid nickname now adds me to the list of other students with descriptive nicknames.  I feel included.  Strangely enough, I became popular. People began walking up to me to ask what was my real name?  No one asked that before.  I then pulled my grades up to honor roll because then I wasn't scared to show how smart I was.  I wasn't afraid to raise my hand and most of all, I wasn't as scared to speak up for myself.   I got my reward for that  when I got asked to join a group of people for lunch.  JACKPOT!

I now appreciate my height, my weight, and most of all myself .   Instead of people teasing me, people compliment me.  

At my current age of 38 years old, no one can tease me about anything any more.  Name calling rolls off my back.  I can now identify with my younger relatives about being teased about something and I teach them my lessons, which in turn helps them learn their own lessons.

LESSONS LEARNED:

• It's not what you call me, it's what I answer to
• I am the best example of how the world is supposed to treat me
• If someone calls you a scumbag and you believe it, everyone else will believe it too

Arranged marriages

I'd love to find the perfect husband. Not the most perfect man in the world, just perfect for me. But, for that to happen I need to find him. How will I find him? Where is he?

I would have to interview many men for this position. A part of the 'husband test' would be written and the 2nd part oral. I'd have many questions for him.

Do you want to be married? Do you want kids? Do you want to be an home owner? Do you like pets? Are you a very planned and structured person or are you spontaneous? Do you like weekend vacations or week - long vacations? Would you mind if I made more money than you? Are you a very emotional person? Are you a materialistic person?

Then the oral part of the test would include different situations of what I call, 'what if'?

What if you wanted boy babies and you only got girl babies? What would you do if you saw someone verbally attacking your friend or family member? What if your valuables were stolen with no clue as to who took them, how would you solve the problem? Have you ever been cheated on and what happened?

I've told all men that have had an interest in me that I'm looking for a husband. I'm not looking for a boyfriend anymore. I've been celibate for years now because I'm still looking for him. A male co-worker told me never tell a guy that I am looking for a husband. Because then you'll turn him off. My response to that is, "PERFECT! That scratches him off the list." I don't want to waste time talking to someone that doesn't want marriage. I don't have a problem making male friends. I have plenty. I want an husband. I don't want any really old guy. I don't want the guy who brags about having a lot of money. I don't want the guy who brags about having a "big penis". I don't want the guy who blames the white man for all his problems. I don't want a playa or the brotha with a lot of babies by different women. I don't want a brotha I have to train or teach him how to be respectful. I don't want a man who thinks he can change and/or train me.

YES, I have a checklist of items for my perfect man. But, I think my checklist is a little different from the regular one. The regular female checklist has him at six feet, handsome, yearly wage over $60,000, owning real estate and expensive cars.

The top of my list is a question, 'How much of a liar is he?' When does he find it appropriate to lie is huge to me. I don't care if he's a jerk in public, if he's an asshole to his co-workers, and his family can't trust him. Will he lie to me? So what, he told his mother he worked an 18 hour shift while he was at home sleep. What did he tell me? I found out that men don't put much priority on little white lies. To me, little lies are as bad as big lies. Who did you lie to? Was it me? So what, you only have female friends. So what, if women sexually tease you by taking their tops off in front of you. Did you tell me about it?  The answer better be yes.

If you get to know me, you'd realize I don't follow trends or traditions. I had ex-boyfriends with lots of female friends. I knew a lot of those female friends. He would come to my house and tell me what happened the night before with his female friends at the strip club. We'd both laugh. He'd tell me about the 2 women who sandwiched him in a dance. (Thats why he was so horny and had to leave the club early to see me). I had an ex-boyfriend tell me, "OK babe, this is the playoffs this weekend and the Redskins play on monday. I 'll talk to ya on tuesday." That was fine with me. I grew up in an house with my father and 3 brothers. I know how important sports are. I know when he says he wants to go out with his friends and party, he'll do just that. I have full trust in my man. Just don't lie to me. Don't say you'll be at your moms house and you're out with the boys. So what, you're out with you're boys. Have fun. I know I'm going have fun with my girls when we go out.

I think more people should have arranged marriages. Not arranged by your aunt and your mom. I met some of the crack-heads my mom liked for me, not pretty. I mean the couple themselves should arrange the marriage more than trying to arrange the wedding. What if something bad happens? How will you handle it? Many people say they wouldn't know how they'd handle something that might not happen. That's not true for me. I handle things with my man the same way I handle things in life. What if someone yells at me? Including my man? I'd calmly ask questions as I always do. What's the problem you have with me? How do you want me to solve the problem? Why do you think I'm the blame for this situation? How would you solve the problem? If my man was the kind of person who only liked to argue and not solve the problem, he wouldn't be my man for long. .....NEXT!

I've seen people jump into relationships because no one thought past the infatuation. Gee, I didn't know he was a slob. Gee, I didn't know he was a momma's boy. Gee, I didn't know you wanted to stop working all together. Gee, I didn't know you were going to still be a couch potato. Damn, I thought we would make love more than once a month since we were married.

Who arranged your relationship? Would you fire that person if you knew then what you know now?

Where have all the good men gone?

Another blogger commented that women don't know how to recognize a good man if we saw one.  I admit, this is true.  It's  now hard to recognize a good man.  WHAT MAKES A GOOD MAN?   Many have their opinions on what makes a good man.

We can recognize a lazy bum, dirty bastard, and lying cheat from a mile away.  But the thing is, we date that nut anyway.  Women figure, since I'm not going to find a good man, I'll  mold and change what I got.

You know why we can't find and recognize a good man?  Because he doesn't advertise.  All the bums and no good slime balls advertise.  Have you noticed that the nice looking guy who has his stuff together,  keep quiet and take care of himself and won't bring attention to himself?  Secondly, have you noticed that the drunk, loud, rude, sexaholic, extrovert will approach you every time?

Women will notice the cute quiet guy, but the loud dance machine will immediately tell you the quiet guy is gay.  "Oh that pussy! You know he's gay!"

Well now we are confused.  Wouldn't a man know another man better than a woman?  We take the word of the jerk.  Now, we think that quiet, neat and introverted means gay.  Well we don't want a gay man.  We want a real man, right?  The loud guy is the only guy approaching me.   A short while later, the loud guy's  exciting personality turns sour.  His adventure turns lazy.  His clothes become more torn and tattered.  His job gets lost and his new address is your old one.

How can we recognize the good guy?  For years, we've taken the word of the bad boy.  We passed this info on to the next generation.  Young girls want the rich guy right now for fun and then settle down with the bad boy for life.   But, it never seems to work out.  WHY? 

Women complain that the bum on their couch is a lazy good for nothing money hungry pig.   That was known about him in the beginning, but was he supposed to stay that way?

Men complain that women pass them by if they wear a suit and tie.  They feel they are unwanted if they are a gentleman.  I've been asked,"Why do I need to curse and raise my hand to a woman for her to like or love me?"

Many women have blinders on when it comes to a good man.  Many women can come up with many ideas of what makes a good man.  My idea of a good man is a man that makes me feel like I'm the only thing on this earth that matters.   It wouldn't matter how many naked women stood before him, he'd give me the confidence that I'm the only woman he sees.  He would trust me and he'd earn trust one thousand times over.  Truth telling between us would be 2nd nature.  There wouldn't be a need to question him.  He'd confide in me without hesitation and I wouldn't have any fear in opening my heart to him.  It would always be he and I against the world.  It would never be me against him.

HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE A GOOD MAN?