This was sent to me by email months ago and many of the single women I've talked to all agreed that this speech embodied each of our own feelings towards being a single woman.
Why I'm single!
If I had a dollar for every time I was asked, "Why don't you have a
man?" I might be rich today.
I work in an industry that glitters, but isn't always gold.
As a young, single female with morals, working in Atlanta's entertainment
industry, I face my own set of challenges climbing the ladder to the
top, but I never thought dating would present its own special
challenges as well.
In an industry full of facades, sometimes
it's easier to stay focused on life's guarantees and dating just
didn't make the cut!
After experiencing so many "dating deal
breakers", I thought I'd spell it out, exactly why I'm single, one
reason after another, after another, after another.
I promise you, I'm not trying to be rude.
I just need you to understand one thing; I'm single because YOU'RE
not ready for me not to be.
You may not even be ready to hear my reasons why I'm single... That's
okay, too.
Sometimes the truth is hard to hear.
That's life though.
I'm single because I have a 7 year old son who soaks up everything like a
sponge and I haven't met too many men who would leave an impression on
him I would be proud of.
I'm single because I have a fabulous job that consumes so much of my time.
I'm single because in the words of Kanye West, I'm a "single black female
addicted to retail" and when the going gets tough, I spend my money on
very expensive jeans or a fabulous new designer hand bag. I spend my
OWN money because I never want to feel like I owe a man anything
because he bought me something.
I'm single because I'm stubborn. I refuse to lower my standards
because of the shortage of available, straight men.
I'm single because I have an obsession with swagger and I refuse to
date a man who lacks it.
I'm
single because my vision is incredibly big, and my man has to
understand the movement, and be working on his own master plan
simultaneously.
I'm single because I'm quick witted and
extremely driven. I refuse to date a "slow lane" dude. I'd like my man
to drive faster than I do, so that I can be challenged by a new speed
and inspired to "keep up".
I'm single because I will never allow
a man to make me feel like I'm anything less than fabulous. Even when
my skin isn't perfect, my waist isn't the smallest and my booty isn't
the biggest... I'm still fabulous.
I'm single because I have
an incredible Daddy who raised me well; I understand what a stand up
dude is. I expect my man to take care of his children, woman and
household just as my Daddy did. There is no excuse.
I'm single because I work in a male dominated industry and most men
can't handle
the fact I'm around other powerful, popular and well-connected men 24/7.
I'm single because I have more backbone than a lot of men and I don't
always want to be the "driver". I'd like to ride shotgun every once in
a while, as my man takes over the wheel. He'll never have to worry
about my ability to drive, when he's tired, I'll gladly take over.
I'm single because I can carry my own weight. Most men have egos that need
to be stroked, so they seek needy women to make them feel empowered,
looking down upon independent women. Fortunately, I'm not looking for a
"daddy", I've got one. I'm looking for a "man" who can help me take
over the world.
I'm single because my male mentors expose me to
things most men can't, like fine dining and traveling to new places
some only experience thru the Discovery Channel. I would NEVER expect a
man to attempt to keep up with another, but it's a state of mind. I
need my man to WANT to expose me to new things. Teach me something I
don't already know; show me something I haven't already seen. If you
can't physically or financially do that, be able to do it mentally, it
does count.
I'm single because I have a zero tolerance for ignorance. Zero!
I'm
single because I expect my man to lead, and quite honestly, the
majority of men these days have no idea where they're going... And I'm
supposed to follow you???
I'm single because I will not sweat or
stalk you, regardless of how gorgeous or successful you might be...
I've got pride and a great life of my own.
I'm single because I
choose to keep a good reputation, I will not sleep with you because you
drive a flashy car, rock $500 Evisu jeans or have an icy watch and
chain to match. Often times, that's all you've got... these 4 things.
I'm
single because I'm attracted to the hip hop culture and sometimes shy
away from everything else. I should keep my options open, but I'm
addicted to swagger, it's not my fault.
I'm single because
sometimes I'd rather sleep then be on the social scene. I wake up at
3:30 am, 5 days a week... You have to be something super special to
make me sacrifice my R & R.
I'm single because I'd sometimesrather hang out with my fabulous
girlfriend's then play the "get to
know you" game with some new dude. My girlfriends mean guaranteed
laughter and good times, can you guarantee that?
I'm single because I don't want to inherit your baby mama drama... My
son's father
is one of the most unselfish men I've ever met. I thank God I don't
have drama, why welcome yours?
I'm single because some men are intimidated by my profession. I'm a
producer that won't change.
I'm single because I refuse to play the sideline chick. I'm a good girl, if
that doesn't make you want to make me number one, I keep it moving.
I'm single because I don't want to meet your kids on the second date, just
because you date, doesn't mean your children do too... I need a man who
understands that.
I'm single because I think male groupies are
the lowest form of man. I see the groupie in a lot of men before they
see it in themselves. It's disgusting.
I'm single because I
realize some men want to be affiliated with my connections and reap the
benefits of my industry connected job. If I were the same chick and
working at QT, you wouldn't be pressed.
I'm single because the most important men in my life told me, I
deserve the best, and now, that's what I want.
I'm single because I will not tolerate being lied too. What an insult
to my intelligence.
I'm single because I have a phobia for the down low. I need a man who
digs women... Only!
I'm single because I walk away (fast) at the first sight of a "red flag". I
have an incurable syndrome called "quick-to-cut-a-dude-off".
Surprisingly, men suffer from psycho behavior too... Funny, I thought
that was just a "girl thing"???
Most importantly, I'm single because I choose to be.
I've never been one who "had to have" a boyfriend, clearly, after 27 years
and only 2 real relationships, I learned how to do me and enjoy the
qualities God blessed me with instead of waiting for validation from
others.
But let me be honest, working in the industry has
changed my views about relationships and dating, and it ain't as simple
as some think.
Please understand, I'm not your "angry black
woman". I'm far from being desperate and I'm too darn busy to be needy.
Oddly enough, because the entertainment industry is such a small circle
of people and because life moves at such a rapid speed, you begin to
appreciate the days when you wear your watch because it compliments
your outfit, not to constantly remind you of your time-managed
lifestyle!
And when meeting someone, you learn to appreciate
when you can finally make it past the 1st few "shoot the sh*t" layers
of the getting to know you game, we call "networking".
If you're lucky, you'll realize who your "ride or die" friends are early
on, and you'll establish a circle of "life lines" you'd give your right
arm for and vice versa. Being comfortable with who you are makes it
easier to realize when a "dude with potential" passes you by. No, it
doesn't mean you jump at every handsome face and charming voice, but
you get to a point when you truly have nothing to lose! So what do ya
do, the only thing left to do, you!
You go into newly formed relationships with no expectations,
promising a few casual lunches and
sporadic dinners when it's convenient.
Without fail, the 1st
few attempts at connecting are a hit or miss. You play phone tag until
the score is tied and the constant blackberry messages an d texts always
end with several smiley faces and "LOL's". Quite honestly, sometimes
the blackberry flirting can easily be the highlight of a very long day!
If nothing else, your curiosity peaks and you wanna see if the talk
is as bold as the type!
Sometimes it works, most times it doesn't.
You let schedules get the best of the situation because it's the classic
"easy let down" that's been proven to work time after time.
But let's keep it real, you will always make time for things you really
want to pop off. And please believe, when the right one comes along,
the "un-compromising schedule" will all of a sudden becomes the "I'll
make it happen" schedule!
Magically, you make time you didn't even know you had because this
one is too good to let go by!
And really, a few dates never hurt anyone, right?
One day, it'll pop off and be genuine, authentic and meaningful. One day,
he'll be "THE ONE", and the greatest th ing about it is, the
confirmation will be innate!
Unlike the rest of life and everyday schedules, it will be so simple,
so easy and so perfectly timed.
Until then, you enjoy life and learn from the mess ups along the
way... laughing at the mistakes and growing every day!
And most importantly, you have to remember, being single isn't a curse!
It's a free pass to live life in the fast lane, question-free...
You can pass go if you wanna, collect the $200 if ya need it and best
of all, you don't need a free pass to get outta jail, it's YOUR world!
At the end of the day, always remember, you might not be single
because of something YOU lack; you might be single because HE'S not
ready for you
NOT to be!
Love Always,
Nina Brown aka The Black Carrie Bradshaw
man?" I might be rich today.
I work in an industry that glitters, but isn't always gold.
As a young, single female with morals, working in Atlanta's entertainment
industry, I face my own set of challenges climbing the ladder to the
top, but I never thought dating would present its own special
challenges as well.
In an industry full of facades, sometimes
it's easier to stay focused on life's guarantees and dating just
didn't make the cut!
After experiencing so many "dating deal
breakers", I thought I'd spell it out, exactly why I'm single, one
reason after another, after another, after another.
I promise you, I'm not trying to be rude.
I just need you to understand one thing; I'm single because YOU'RE
not ready for me not to be.
You may not even be ready to hear my reasons why I'm single... That's
okay, too.
Sometimes the truth is hard to hear.
That's life though.
I'm single because I have a 7 year old son who soaks up everything like a
sponge and I haven't met too many men who would leave an impression on
him I would be proud of.
I'm single because I have a fabulous job that consumes so much of my time.
I'm single because in the words of Kanye West, I'm a "single black female
addicted to retail" and when the going gets tough, I spend my money on
very expensive jeans or a fabulous new designer hand bag. I spend my
OWN money because I never want to feel like I owe a man anything
because he bought me something.
I'm single because I'm stubborn. I refuse to lower my standards
because of the shortage of available, straight men.
I'm single because I have an obsession with swagger and I refuse to
date a man who lacks it.
I'm
single because my vision is incredibly big, and my man has to
understand the movement, and be working on his own master plan
simultaneously.
I'm single because I'm quick witted and
extremely driven. I refuse to date a "slow lane" dude. I'd like my man
to drive faster than I do, so that I can be challenged by a new speed
and inspired to "keep up".
I'm single because I will never allow
a man to make me feel like I'm anything less than fabulous. Even when
my skin isn't perfect, my waist isn't the smallest and my booty isn't
the biggest... I'm still fabulous.
I'm single because I have
an incredible Daddy who raised me well; I understand what a stand up
dude is. I expect my man to take care of his children, woman and
household just as my Daddy did. There is no excuse.
I'm single because I work in a male dominated industry and most men
can't handle
the fact I'm around other powerful, popular and well-connected men 24/7.
I'm single because I have more backbone than a lot of men and I don't
always want to be the "driver". I'd like to ride shotgun every once in
a while, as my man takes over the wheel. He'll never have to worry
about my ability to drive, when he's tired, I'll gladly take over.
I'm single because I can carry my own weight. Most men have egos that need
to be stroked, so they seek needy women to make them feel empowered,
looking down upon independent women. Fortunately, I'm not looking for a
"daddy", I've got one. I'm looking for a "man" who can help me take
over the world.
I'm single because my male mentors expose me to
things most men can't, like fine dining and traveling to new places
some only experience thru the Discovery Channel. I would NEVER expect a
man to attempt to keep up with another, but it's a state of mind. I
need my man to WANT to expose me to new things. Teach me something I
don't already know; show me something I haven't already seen. If you
can't physically or financially do that, be able to do it mentally, it
does count.
I'm single because I have a zero tolerance for ignorance. Zero!
I'm
single because I expect my man to lead, and quite honestly, the
majority of men these days have no idea where they're going... And I'm
supposed to follow you???
I'm single because I will not sweat or
stalk you, regardless of how gorgeous or successful you might be...
I've got pride and a great life of my own.
I'm single because I
choose to keep a good reputation, I will not sleep with you because you
drive a flashy car, rock $500 Evisu jeans or have an icy watch and
chain to match. Often times, that's all you've got... these 4 things.
I'm
single because I'm attracted to the hip hop culture and sometimes shy
away from everything else. I should keep my options open, but I'm
addicted to swagger, it's not my fault.
I'm single because
sometimes I'd rather sleep then be on the social scene. I wake up at
3:30 am, 5 days a week... You have to be something super special to
make me sacrifice my R & R.
I'm single because I'd sometimesrather hang out with my fabulous
girlfriend's then play the "get to
know you" game with some new dude. My girlfriends mean guaranteed
laughter and good times, can you guarantee that?
I'm single because I don't want to inherit your baby mama drama... My
son's father
is one of the most unselfish men I've ever met. I thank God I don't
have drama, why welcome yours?
I'm single because some men are intimidated by my profession. I'm a
producer that won't change.
I'm single because I refuse to play the sideline chick. I'm a good girl, if
that doesn't make you want to make me number one, I keep it moving.
I'm single because I don't want to meet your kids on the second date, just
because you date, doesn't mean your children do too... I need a man who
understands that.
I'm single because I think male groupies are
the lowest form of man. I see the groupie in a lot of men before they
see it in themselves. It's disgusting.
I'm single because I
realize some men want to be affiliated with my connections and reap the
benefits of my industry connected job. If I were the same chick and
working at QT, you wouldn't be pressed.
I'm single because the most important men in my life told me, I
deserve the best, and now, that's what I want.
I'm single because I will not tolerate being lied too. What an insult
to my intelligence.
I'm single because I have a phobia for the down low. I need a man who
digs women... Only!
I'm single because I walk away (fast) at the first sight of a "red flag". I
have an incurable syndrome called "quick-to-cut-a-dude-off".
Surprisingly, men suffer from psycho behavior too... Funny, I thought
that was just a "girl thing"???
Most importantly, I'm single because I choose to be.
I've never been one who "had to have" a boyfriend, clearly, after 27 years
and only 2 real relationships, I learned how to do me and enjoy the
qualities God blessed me with instead of waiting for validation from
others.
But let me be honest, working in the industry has
changed my views about relationships and dating, and it ain't as simple
as some think.
Please understand, I'm not your "angry black
woman". I'm far from being desperate and I'm too darn busy to be needy.
Oddly enough, because the entertainment industry is such a small circle
of people and because life moves at such a rapid speed, you begin to
appreciate the days when you wear your watch because it compliments
your outfit, not to constantly remind you of your time-managed
lifestyle!
And when meeting someone, you learn to appreciate
when you can finally make it past the 1st few "shoot the sh*t" layers
of the getting to know you game, we call "networking".
If you're lucky, you'll realize who your "ride or die" friends are early
on, and you'll establish a circle of "life lines" you'd give your right
arm for and vice versa. Being comfortable with who you are makes it
easier to realize when a "dude with potential" passes you by. No, it
doesn't mean you jump at every handsome face and charming voice, but
you get to a point when you truly have nothing to lose! So what do ya
do, the only thing left to do, you!
You go into newly formed relationships with no expectations,
promising a few casual lunches and
sporadic dinners when it's convenient.
Without fail, the 1st
few attempts at connecting are a hit or miss. You play phone tag until
the score is tied and the constant blackberry messages an d texts always
end with several smiley faces and "LOL's". Quite honestly, sometimes
the blackberry flirting can easily be the highlight of a very long day!
If nothing else, your curiosity peaks and you wanna see if the talk
is as bold as the type!
Sometimes it works, most times it doesn't.
You let schedules get the best of the situation because it's the classic
"easy let down" that's been proven to work time after time.
But let's keep it real, you will always make time for things you really
want to pop off. And please believe, when the right one comes along,
the "un-compromising schedule" will all of a sudden becomes the "I'll
make it happen" schedule!
Magically, you make time you didn't even know you had because this
one is too good to let go by!
And really, a few dates never hurt anyone, right?
One day, it'll pop off and be genuine, authentic and meaningful. One day,
he'll be "THE ONE", and the greatest th ing about it is, the
confirmation will be innate!
Unlike the rest of life and everyday schedules, it will be so simple,
so easy and so perfectly timed.
Until then, you enjoy life and learn from the mess ups along the
way... laughing at the mistakes and growing every day!
And most importantly, you have to remember, being single isn't a curse!
It's a free pass to live life in the fast lane, question-free...
You can pass go if you wanna, collect the $200 if ya need it and best
of all, you don't need a free pass to get outta jail, it's YOUR world!
At the end of the day, always remember, you might not be single
because of something YOU lack; you might be single because HE'S not
ready for you
NOT to be!
Love Always,
Nina Brown aka The Black Carrie Bradshaw
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